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My diet blew today. I ate too much. I was super active today though. I have to start getting more sleep. Oh and I really need to get laid. I have needs. Haha. Drinking shit tons of water. I'm doing great losing weight and been working out great. I'm afraid that no matter how much or many Ab workouts I do and ow strong they get if I don't loose anther 125 pounds nobody will ever see them. And then there's the loose skin. What if that makes me hideous.


My bucket list

Just a work in progress.

Below 475 pounds
Below 450 pounds
Below 425 pounds
Below 400 pounds
Below 375 pounds
Below 350 pounds
Below 325 pounds
Below 300 pounds
Below 275 pounds
Below 250 pounds
Below 225 pounds
Go to Vegas
Kiss a girl on new years eve at midnight
Go to San Francisco comicon
Go to New York comicon
Go see me sister & niece again
See Chris Hardwick & autograph
Stay one night in an Icehotel
Do charity work in Africa.
Take an African Safari
Spend Christmas on the beach
Go whale watching
Set foot on the moon
See the northern lights
Walk on the Great Wall of China.
See the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco
Visit New York
Visit Paris
Visit London
Edge of Space supersonic jet ride
Go on a cruise.
Visit the pyramids
See a lunar eclipse.
Christmas in New York
Program an iPhone App
Run a marathon
Write my will.
Getting 100 years old
Test drive a Ferrari
Find a job you love.
Go to Ireland for St. Patricks day
Go dogsledding in Alaska
Healthier with 50 than with 40
Visit the Amazon Rainforest
Learn self defense or Karate
Visit Area 51
Participate in a big orgy
Do something scary to me
Learn sign language
Set foot on each of the seven continents.
Take a year off.
Invent Something
Spend three months getting my body into optimum shape.
Invent a Cocktail.
Ride the Trans-Siberian Express across Asia.
Become a parent
Learn another language.
Ride a gondola in Venice
Live by the beach.
Become a triathlete
Buy and ride a motorcycle
See the Taj Mahal in India
Swim with dolphins
Race a car
Write and sell a book
See the Colisseum in Rome
Visit Hong Kong
Make a short movie
Go Bungee jumping
Be part of a major competition.
Ride and elephant in India
Get someone to fall in love with me
Learn to Draw
See Sydney Australia
Create your own web site
Helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon
Win an award
Learn how to roller blade.
Visit Niagara Falls
Visit Beijing
Ride in a Helicopter
Dye my hair an outrageous color.
New Years @ New York
Do stand-up comedy
Break a Guinness World Record
Start a business
Organize my music.
Climb up the Statue of Liberty
Learn to play piano.
Journey round the world
Visit Disney World
Create my Family Tree.
Quit my job
Join a caravan in the Sahara.
Provide relief as an aid worker in a third-world country.
Travel India by train.
Go horse riding
Carnival in Venice
See the Empire State Building
Explore New Zealand.
Go to Mardi Gras
Visit Moscow
Be in the Tour de France
Live in a foreign country
Learn archery
Visit Hawaii
Drive across America from coast to coast.
Learn to play the guitar
Compose a song.
Learn to juggle with three balls.
Complete the Ironman Triathlon
Attend the Olympics.
Threesome with twins.
Find True Love
Go To Outer Space
Travel Through Time, Backward and Forward
Be Cryogenically Frozen until I can live forever. Haha
Pay for my own funeral
Make a million dollars
Walk up and just kiss random girl
Gastric bypass surgery

Save someone's life
Graduate college
Make a friend I'll have for life
Find my sister

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Just chilling

Just sitting here right now. Was talking to josie and this weird old lady that was drunk came up and stole our coversation. Lol. Work was ok until my douche of a boss was doing the 20 question bullshit. Fuck him. Been on break now over 5 hours. He knows i need the money.

Hanging at coops

Hanging with josie at bar. She's playing darts and shit. Haha. Been a long long day. Webt to fort wayne with jeremy today. Gotta be up early for physical therapy tomorrow. Pissed off my internet is down almost everynight. How can i sleep if i dint have my nightly porn.

i don't understand life

okay lots happened since my last update. right now i am really sick. i have a major infection. they don't have any test results back. but they think this might have something to do with a urinary tract infection that i have had for about three or four weeks and it went unchecked. i haven't taken any medicine for it al all. which in and of itself sucks. cuase it has been bad. but they think it has spread to my entire body now. wonderful

but for some reason i have a huge lump on the back of my neck. it hurts so fucking bad. it hurts to turn my head, move, sleep or do anything. and they want me to wait a few days to see if antibiotics help. problem is that shit cost money. and last time i checked my money tree it was pretty empty. damn thing is broke.

i am about to move my bedroom from downstairs to upstairs. i am little concerned about that. i don't want to and i do want to. i think i would really like to move in with josie. but i am that guy that worries about trying to make everyone happy and i am the one that usually ends up sad. go figure. i am worried that if i move out that jeremy will not be able to keep racing. and i am worried about my mom and dad and their problems and it helps being right next door. i am also worried about not having the help i get from my brother and parents.

other things that bug me. i think alot about dying. don't get me wrong. i won't kill myself. i am against that. but i am not against dying. sometimes i think it would just be easier. my life is so fucked up. i am not happy. really never am. hell i only got one real friend. josie. and don't get me wrong. she is one of the coolest people in the world. but i digress. i wish i was in heaven. i think that would rock.

i think part of my problem is i have no motivation. i just don't care about shit anymore. i don't care about working out. i don't care about taking my meds. i don't ever check my blood sugars. i just randomly take insulin here and there. i wouldn't do that but i get boils if i don't and i don't like them. i hate being alone. and yet i can't find a girl i like that likes me. there is a girl that likes me but i have no interest in her. she is like stalking me i swear it. she is obessed with what i am doing and when i went to hospital she was like omg i have to come and be with you. NO YOU DON'T. how can you seriuosly think you're inlove with someoen without ever meeting them or even talking on the phone. just a few text. then i decide to meet her. i wasn't interested. but i thought what could it hurt. maybe there will be something there you didn't notice. but nope. nothing. and i am the kinda person that will tell you if i like you and i don't believe in leading poeple on. yet i don't wanna hurt her feelings. so i opt to pull a "kevin" and just ignore the issue. omg. i am kevin and she is...i don't think i can say. what an ass i am. i suck.

i am watching family guy and it is making fun of the hills. funny. maybe funnier if i ever seen that show. lol......i just don't get why when a girl that i actually like who likes me has to live so far away. chloe for instance. she was so into me and she lives in california. i am so turned on by her. she is fucking hot and she actually for some weird reason likes me.

someone told me that i could get a girl if i just thought i coiuld that my thinking i am not good enough to have a girl i think is hot is why i don't. but i think that is bullshit. sure confidence can be attractive. but it don't make you go from a 2 to an 8. and yea. i think i am a two. only reason not a one is cuase i am not missing a leg or an arm. so if i had the confidence people say i would go from a 2 to a 3. not much help. it makes a difference if your a 6 and it boost you up to a 7. that is a big help. lol.

i have tried to goto sleep tonight but everytime i lay down i am in so much pain i just can't sleep. haven't really slept much in three days.

why is being happy so hard.


i am so tired. all i have done this week is work and work and work. i am sick to my stomach and my feet hurt. oh and i can't find my favorite knife.


well, it has been like a million years since i actually wrote a blog on this thing. i have just been doing stupid video blogs on youtube and shit. but the problem with that is that i have went in a direction that puts me in the spotlight. and so i sometimes don't say what i think or feel because i am afraid i will offend someone. i've been trying to raise awareness for child abuse and abuse to women. and the funny thing is that i feel like a failure at it cause one of my best friends in the entire world has recently been a victim of abuse and it breaks my heart. i feel like there is something i should do. the one thing in life that really makes me happy is helping people, making poeple laugh and just being a decent person. it just really bothers me.

other things going on:
jamie hydroplaned today and wrecked her truck. it isn't really that bad, but the pontiac sunfire she hit is fucked up buddy. i mean fucked up. then i had to take jamie to school. she is working on being a CNA. she is just so fed up with her job. it is a kiss ass job. then i came home and tried to spend some quality time with myself. and jamie kept texting me about what we doing for dinner. i was like HEY...I'M TRYING TO JERK OFF AND YOU KEEP TEXTING ME AND YOUR FUCKING WITH MY WOOD. later i found out that she showed the girl sitting next to her what i said. lovely.

anyway. i go pick her up from school and we go to the bowling alley, jeremy is there playing in his league. and he plays with lori..i call her cheerleader. she was once a cheerleader. i like nicknames... and jessy was there and she had myles with her. so i spent the next hour playing with miles...i fucking love that kid more than you could imagine. i'd die for him. and not even think twice about it. and that makes me sad, not that i would die for him, but that i have always wanted to be a dad and have a family. i really don't think it will ever happen. i mean it might if i could loose weight, but i can't find the motivation. i have all but given up on being happy in life. sure i find happy moments. but i haven't really ever had total happiness. i am so jealous of people that have it. i don't hate them, well....i lie...sometimes i do. i truly believe money can buy happiness by the way. and if you think it can't then you're either rich or just got lucky and are already happy.

well, then we (me, jamie and jeremy) went to eat at the mexican place in southern plaza. good food. then went home where i went to my room and worked on videos and shit all night. i did manage to do a couple loads of laundry. man i fucking hate laundry. josie loves laundry...she really does. i think that is kinda weird josie. but hey people got their idiosyncrasies (how ever that is spelled) and i know i sure do.

i am not looking forward to my boss going on vacation cause then i have to work like 12 million hours the next 11 or 12 days...no shit. way too many hours. i am not used to standing on my feet that much. as a driver i spend a good amount of time sitting down driving. by the end of the week i will have bleeding blisters on the bottoms of my feet. nasty ass shit there man. nasty.

i have noticed that there isn't that much activity on myspace lately. i know sometimes there are up and downs with it. but fuck i love myspace. what is weird. fucking twitter. i joined cause i am a follower. my twitter is www.twitter.com/jefferycjordan if your on that homo site add me.

anyway. take it easy.


Jan. 17th, 2009

So I'm on my way to Nashville with brother and Siebs. Going to a record release party I was invited to for a new country singer michael David

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